Coward
by Don't know Don't care 38
Summary: A nightmare brings Anna to Elsa's bed chambers one night, and though Elsa's afraid of her true feelings showing for her sister, she allows her stay at an arm's length away. As months pass and Anna's "nightmares" become more frequent, what happens when Elsa is made aware that her love isn't one-sided? ELSANNA


**Hello everyone! I present to you my second Frozen fic to this wonderful fandom! Again, i** **t is Elsanna, so if you don't like it, please read the thousands of other fanfics available for your enjoyment. I started this a while ago and have finally finished it, so without further delay:**

 **Summary: A nightmare brings Anna to Elsa's bed chambers one night, and though Elsa's afraid of her true feelings showing for her sister, she allows her stay at an arm's length away. As months pass and Anna's "nightmares" become more frequent, what happens when Elsa is made aware that her love isn't one-sided? ELSANNA**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing Frozen, except ice cubes**

* * *

 **Coward**

It started about a month after my coronation. As promised, the door was now open at all times to my sister...well open as in unlocked. After all, it would be strange having the door open while I was sleeping. Her steps were softer than normal, but I could still hear an echo of the enthusiastic clump that always accompanied the feet of the one I loved more than anything in the world. I thought at first that I was in love with the idea of her. How could I not love the person who would knock on my door almost every day when she didn't have any confirmation that I was actually listening. Of course I always did, but she couldn't have known that. A month of seeing her every day and spending any scraps of free time I had with her confirmed my worst fears however. I was indeed in love with my one and only sister. I was horrible, I was disgusting, becoming more of a monster every day I saw her. I couldn't shut her out though as I convinced myself it would hurt her, and that was the last thing I wanted to do. If I was being honest with myself, I would admit that I couldn't stop seeing her given that she had become the reason for my continued existence.

On the first night the evening visits, I heard her approach my bed. She seemed to be holding her breath before releasing it gently. Anna stood for a few minutes just breathing slowly before whispering quietly, "Elsa?"

My back was facing her, and I did not turn as I responded with a whispered, "Yes?"

"Can I…erm…can I spend the night here?"

I tensed at the request, hesitating as I thought frantically of all the things that could go wrong, all the monstrous doings I could potentially commit. As the silence stretched on, Anna nervously muttered, "I promise to stay on one side, and not hit you in the middle of my sleep, I just had a nightmare, and I know I'm kinda old for nightmares, but this one was really vivid, and I was starting to get creeped out, so I thought maybe you wouldn't mind sharing your giant bed. Not that I'm saying you have to, I totally get you need your space and all, and I respect that, and I know you're still uncomfortable with being around people, and I hope you're not still afraid of hurting me, because…"

"Anna. You can stay," I interrupted.

She let out a surprised squeak of pleasure, which was accompanied by a hushed promise to remain on the side I wasn't currently occupying. I felt her gently lift my sheets, and attempt to slide herself under. What I didn't understand was how the sheets were suddenly torn from me, accompanied with a loud thump and a startled yelped. I sat up in shock, and upon turning I was greeted by the sight of Anna sprawled amongst my sheets on the floor with a dazed yet pouty look on her face. The moonlight streaming in from my window highlighted her red lion mane hair, and I couldn't help but chuckle upon seeing it. Her eyes snapped to me as soon as she heard the sounds I was desperately trying to subdue, and a glare started to form on her face. However, it quickly changed into a look of shock, and finally settled on something akin to childlike wonder. I could feel my cheeks start to lightly colour as she continued to stare, so I coughed out, "Are you okay Anna?"

This seemed to snap her out of her stupor, as her eyes widened before she shook her head frantically. I instantly became concerned, and as I quickly moved towards her I asked rapidly, "You're not okay? Do you need help? Did you break anything?"

Anna looked confused for a second before blurting out, "I'm fine! I just fell, no big deal, I do it all the time! I was just confused because I ah… noticed… ah… you, um, your hair! It isn't messed up like mine, and that's just totally unfair because it always takes FOREVER to get it neat in the morning, but I bet you don't even need to brush. It just comes in natural gorgeousness, and I… I should stop now, shouldn't I?"

I giggled lightly at the edge of the bed and extended a hand towards her. "It's okay, I'm just glad you're alright. You can come in anytime you have a nightmare, but try not to fall too often, alright?" I teased lightly.

She grumbled a "thanks" and passed me my portion of the sheets so that we could settle down for the night. "Goodnight Elsa," she whispered once everything was back to order.

"Goodnight Anna, sleep well," I whispered back.

* * *

As the weeks passed, less nights were spent in isolation, to the point where I would began to wish she had a nightmare, just a small one, as I found myself not being able to sleep soundly until her presence was beside me. Of course such thoughts made me feel guilty, but not more than the incestuous thoughts that plagued me daily, thoughts that I vowed to hide until the end of my days. This was an easy task at the beginning, since her nightmares occurred only once a week. Seeing her splayed in my bed with hair more wild than possible when I awoke in the morning became my favourite way to start a day. I suppose I could've just asked if she would feel more comfortable spending her nights next to me, but the staff would probably have thought it odd even with the knowledge of our thirteen year isolation from one another. Despite my lack of offering, Anna eventually came to my bed every night. I suspected it wasn't due to nightmares. As I never said anything to make her feel unwelcome however, this became a routine. Say goodnight, retire to our respective rooms, attempt to sleep, hear my door open, and feel Anna slide under my sheets.

It began getting harder to conceal my desires about two months after her first visit. Though she had promised to stay on her side, I noticed that each night she would inch just a bit closer to me. I assumed she just wanted a bit more physical affection from me since I was still wary of touching her during the day (more so because of my improper thoughts than my fear of losing control, but I would much rather her think the latter). I made sure that my back was always to "her side" of my bed, and eventually, it got to the point where I felt her index finger lightly touch my back a few minutes after she settled. Typically it would be gone when I woke however, since her hands were always in a tornado fashion after a few hours of sleep.

A touch of a finger became a palm, then came both hands, then feet, and eventually one day her whole body was just tucked up against mine. I'm not sure if she knew I was awake every time she came in, as she always tried to enter as silently as she possibly could. We never discussed our nightly routine during the day, and even though Gerda knew that Anna now spent most of the night in my chambers, she offered no comment.

As Anna's boldness in the night increased, my will to stop myself from turning around and embracing her passionately decreased proportionately. What started out as an innocent snuggle to my back became full out spooning in less than a fortnight. Did she realize what she was doing to me? I suppose to her it was normal sisterly actions, and perhaps I was blowing it out of proportion. Could I dare hope that perhaps she felt the same? No. I couldn't, and I wouldn't. It was not possible, and it was not plausible. She couldn't know that waking up was now my least favourite part of the day, as each morning I would have to detach myself from her loving embrace. Of course, she rarely actually stayed completely attached to me, but one of her hands was often inexplicably clutched to the back of my nightgown when I woke in the morning. It was as if she was asking me to stay every morning, but whether she was conscious or not during those moments, I'll never know.

As hard as I tried not to encourage her, I couldn't keep myself from wondering how far Anna would go. I still wasn't sure if she knew if I was awake when she entered my chambers every night. As I never commented during the day on waking up to find her attached to or grabbing at me like a monkey from behind however, I figured she deemed her actions to be okay. All this time I had carefully made sure to face away from her when she entered, but one night, I decided to lie flat on my back. Would she continue to embrace me? Or would this change in position force a change in hers?

She had definitely noticed, given the sudden intake of air she took right before she prepared to get into my bed. I couldn't see her expression as my eyes were closed, and we stayed that way for a good minute. It seemed Anna had made a decision after this pregnant moment of hesitation however, as she slowly lifted my covers and climbed in beside me like she had been doing for nearly half a year. I tried to keep my breathing even as I waited to see what position she would take for the night, but she surprised me when she asked quietly. "Elsa?"

"Hm?" I responded in a tense yet hopefully sleeply way.

"Are you awake?"

I'm sure my brows creased in response to her rather unnecessary question given I had answered her. In the time I took to figure out a reply though, she appeared to have come to the same conclusion by saying, "Oh why am I asking that for, you just responded to me! Anyways, are you okay Elsa?"

Confused but still keeping my eyes shit, I responded with, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Because you always sleep with your back facing towards me…and well lately I…you know, I just thought…I guess it's not that big of a deal, I was just wondering…ah you know what never mind!" Anna stammered.

I finally opened my eyes and faced her. She was on her side facing me, with her elbow propping up her face, most likely studying me and puzzling out my sudden change in sleeping position. Her face appeared slightly darker than usual, but given the fact that the moonlight was streaming in behind her and casting shadows over her entire form, I couldn't be sure. Instead, I asked her as calmly as I could, "Would you be more comfortable if I slept with my back to you?"

Part of me dreaded to hear her answer, as either a yes or a no would undoubtedly trigger a set of strong feelings, whether it be joy and fear, or disappointment and relief. I didn't need to worry for long however, as Anna wildly waved her arms and quickly blurted out, "No no no, this is good, this is fine, this is great, this is…well I'm happy because maybe you don't see me as a nuisance as much anymore? Or maybe you normally sleep like this and because of me you had to sleep on your side? Oh my gosh, have you been sleeping uncomfortably because of me all these months? Is that why you're tense all the time?! I'm…"

Despite my limited vision, her face appeared to be morphing into one of alarm and distress, so I quickly cut her off before she spiraled off into an unstoppable rant based on false assumptions. "Hold on Anna, nothing of that sort is going on. I normally sleep on my side, but for tonight I thought I'd try something different." I said trying to placate her.

She appeared to visibly calm down at my words, but still asked in a slightly worried tone, "Are you sure? I don't want to make you uncomfortable. I know I've been barging in on your space a lot recently, and maybe you've just been too nice to say anything, but I'll go if you want me to, I just…"

"Anna," I replied firmly, "It's okay, it really is. I don't mind you being here."

"Really? But you've started to look tenser during the day since I started coming over here more."

I closed my eyes at her statement, and proceeded to go back to the position of lying on my back. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes once again and turned my head slightly to look at her. "Anna, I promised my door would always be open to you, and I intend to keep my promise," I said softly, and hesitated a bit before adding in a slightly more muffled tone, "I especially want to be here for you since you need comfort for your nightmares."

Anna appeared to tense at my statement, and I wondered if she still thought I believed nightmares to be the reason for her nightly visits. It was also possible she had realized that I had practically acknowledged seeing through a reality that had lost its truth some time ago. She gave no indication of either however, as she simply nodded, lay down beside me, and said "Goodnight Elsa."

We were not touching when I returned the sentiment.

* * *

I was worried that she would bring up my being tense during the day again, but the conversation was never struck, and I had no intention of returning to it. Why would I, given the reason for this observation was my struggle to give Anna the proper amount of time in my day without jumping her. As the voices in my head argued for me to do the right thing or rightfully claim my prize, I felt my sanity slipping. Anna's actions were clearly not helping.

Despite the worries she expressed from her nightly visits, they did not cease. I maintained the position of lying on my back, and after a week of keeping a certain distance, Anna again started to move closer. It started with a finger on my arm, then a hand, and within the month she was pressed up entirely against my arm.

At this point I began to worry, as a big part of me knew I would not be able to handle an arm draped across me, or gods forbid, a leg. No doubt Anna began to realize I was becoming even tenser during our waking hours, but still we never discussed it. It was very nearly killing me when I dared to ponder upon what my sister was really thinking, and the reason behind her actions. Of course, the very problem would come back to slam myself back into reality before I could think much on it. My sister. The old mantra was returning full force, but I was almost ready to given in. _Conceal, don't feel, conceal, don't feel_. The words pounded into my head almost every waking moment, but when I felt her slide into my bed, words lost power, and I struggled to keep my sanity afloat.

When I look back now, her timing is simply…fateful. Until that moment, I would have said without a doubt that my powers were my curse. After that night however, I wasn't sure if she was my curse, or if it was simply my ugly soul alone.

A week after Anna had started sleeping with her entirety pressed up against me, I estimated I had less than a week left before my sanity would blow. In what way I knew not, simply that something bad would happen. My sister decided a catalyst for bad things to happen was necessary however, as that night she entered my room with her mind set on a single purpose.

The night started out as any other, with Anna slowly creeping in my room, gently lifting my covers, and shifting towards me. As always, my eyes were closed, and I gave off an aura of being asleep. Instead of cuddling up against my side however, I imagine she was crawling towards me. This made sense, given a few moments after the bed had shifted to accommodate her weight, I felt her breath lightly against my face. Naturally, I wasn't sure what exactly was happening, but I knew opening my eyes would be a dangerous act, so I continued to pretend to sleep.

"Elsa?" she said softly, breath hitting my face in a sweet puff.

I did not answer.

She called my name once more, but again I did not respond. Had I known that this would be last opportunity to talk to her in a long while, I would have taken it. As I stayed silent, she made her fatal move.

Very softly, she leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on my lips. My eyes were closed, but there's no doubt in my mind that she felt my body tense. I expected it to be a short length of contact, but all she did was push just a tiny bit more, moving her lips as if to urge a response from my still ones. After a few moments, she moved her head back, sighing softly at my lack of reaction. Waiting a few moments, she quietly whispered, "Elsa?"

My mind was still in shock, frantically trying to formulate a plan of action, and all I could think of was how glad I was she couldn't see the blush that I knew for sure would be cherry red if seen during the day. I felt gentle fingers gripping my shoulder lightly. "Elsa?" Anna tried again, this time slightly shaking me.

In retrospect, I had many paths I could've taken at this point in time, and yet, I chose one that will never stop filling me with shame. If I were to listen to my head, I would've told her that this couldn't happen, and that I couldn't return the affection she so desperately wanted. If I followed my heart, I would've cradled her face gently, and brought those sweet lips back to mine, which were tingling and eager for more contact. My animalistic side demanded that I pin her beneath me, and kiss her senseless until she forgot her own name. I could've done any of those things.

Instead, I decided to let out the most un-lady-like snore I've ever heard. One that I would regret for the rest of my life.

I'll never forget the way Anna's breath caught upon hearing that sound, or the way she tensed up beside me. I'll always regret not opening my eyes, and apologizing for being such a fool. Instead, I continued the sham and forced myself into and uneasy sleep, plagued by strange and unwelcome emotions.

In the morning Anna was gone, a note in her usual place. I scrambled to read it, the contents breaking my heart all over again:

 _I had faith that you would have the decency to at least acknowledge me._

 _I was prepared for a "we can't", or even could have dealt with a simple no._

 _But I guess some things never change._

 _You NEVER snore._

 _It wasn't even close to being enough to cover the accelerated thumping of your heart. A heart that will never let itself be thawed by love._

 _Coward._

As the tears spilled down my face, that word bounced around my head like a curse. Its truth tearing at my soul and sealing me in a kingdom of isolation I would never be able to escape.

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 **A/N: Another angsty one but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! If people are interested, I may be tempted to write a follow-up to this, most likely in Anna's POV. No promises to a happy ending though, it would really depend on my mood! ;)**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **DNDK 38**


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